but feeling as sick as a dog. Somewhere, I seem to have picked up a cold that is kicking my arse up one side and down the other. I hope that tomorrow at this time that I will be on the mend. I did get my tax return on Friday, and over the weekend I picked up a Canon A40 digital camera. Sure, there are better and more expensive models out there, but for snapping photos for my website, I couldn't see spending more. I am a Nikon man all the way, but in the $200 price range, they can't touch the Canon.

I have also ordered a Lomo LC-A snapshot carmera, and am really excited to see what kind of results that I get from it. Most of the beautiful photos at Harrumph! are shot on a Lomo, and they have an other-worldly quality to them. Also, be on the lookout for even more changes around here!!!

I had a flashback to college when I discovered a cd of mp3's that I downloaded several years ago. It is amazing what a song can bring back to your mind.... Here are a few on that compilation.... Siouxsie and the Banshees, Kiss Them for Me; Tears for Fears, Woman in Chains; The Fixx, Red Skies; Oingo Boingo, Dead Mans Party; Icicle Works, Birds Fly (whisper to a scream); Howard Jones, New Song; Bourgeois Tagg, Mutual Surrender; The Church, Under the Milky Way; and who could forget..... Big Country, In a Big Country!!!!!!

Let me know what some of your memory tugging songs are... and have a good one!

While not to the point of retracting it, I would like to state that my last post was not a blast to a group of individuals as a whole, and I sincerely apologize to anyone that was offended or upset by it. What I write in this space is for me, and it is intended to be a stress outlet. I do realize that it is a public forum however, and that I need to at least be mindful of others feelings. Please take all of the subject matter in context, and realize that the emotion surrounding all of the mentioned events brought out a lot in me. At no time through the marriage or divorce process did I even raise my voice to my ex once. That is why I need an outlet for those feelings. I don't want to direct them at people, so cyber-space is my outlet.

Thanks for understanding everyone. I am really trying to shed some emotional weight that I have been carrying, and this is the best way for me to do it.

You have got to be fucking kidding me!!! Ok, I feel better now. Soda, thanks for the little update on all things mormon. I would like it to be known that a certain bishop of a certain mormon temple in central illinois doesn't really care too much about people, nor the opinion of others of the mormon church.

To make a long story short, I found out that my ex-wife was having an affair with a mormon while we were married, lets call him bill. I went to where "bill" lived, and he and I had a little talk, and I questioned how he could, as a "Good" mormon, have an affair with a married woman. He told me that it was none of my business. I felt blood rise in my neck, and just before I cocked back to lay him out, my better senses caught me. I did the next best thing, and called the bishop of his temple, whose name was given to my by a good friend of mine. This bishop warmly received my call, and promised that he would have a talk with this miscreant. I assumed that all would be taken care of, and that "bill" would think better of his actions, and hope not to disgrace his entire family by carrying on in such a manner.

10 months later, I am now finding out that they are not only still together, but that they are attending temple together, and going to church sponsored activities together at the mighty mormon temple.

Fuck you Joseph Smith, and fuck the mormon church. I wish that you would all move to Salt Lake City, and leave the rest of the world out of your sick and twisted mess.

32 years ago I began looking. Today I found it. It didn't come from a holyman. It didn't come from a shopping trip. I didn't have to interview for it. I didn't have to buy it a drink. Tony Robbins was no where in sight. I didn't fall and hit my head. It wasn't in a book, or on a tape. Lightning did not strike. Thunder did not roll. It didn't come in a pill, an elixer, or a supplement. No yoga position sustained for any length of time could possibly bring it on.

I looked in a bottle, it wasn't there. I looked on mountain tops, it was not there. I didn't find it in a fire on a cold night. I didn't find it in the arms of a woman. Countless fortunes have been spent looking for it. Wars have been fought for it.

What I found was inner peace and clarity. I cannot begin to explain what they are to you, or show you the road to find them. My blood pressure is much lower and my resting heart rate has probably dropped by 20. The tinted glasses that I have viewed the world through are gone. Imagine this, you are in a room with a guitar player, playing an acoustic guitar. You have 3 or 4 cotton balls shoved into each ear. Then someone takes the cotton from your ears, and you finally hear each subtle note. That is what this experience has been like. I have a personality type of ENFP. For those of you who know what that is, or know me, you know that my soul has never been complete.

I can only tell you what my moment was like, then you can go on your journey. I realized that there is no destination in life. Life is a journey. Enjoy each moment. Feel what is going on around you, drink it in. Control is an illusion, worry about yourself, and how to change your perspective. Worry not about war and conflict. Those are battles to be fought by others. YOU HAVE FREEDOM. Use it. Go where you want. Do what you want. Look in the mirror. That is you. Learn to love that person.

Im free.

Not too bad for a 2 day weekend! I finished up house-sitting in Bloomington, and that was nice. Here in central Illinois, we had a huge snow storm that started on Friday, and kept on strong through Saturday night. I think that we ended up with somewhere around 8 inches of snow, but the killer was the strong winds.

Other than all of that, my weekend was very nice and relaxing. I watched a few movies, and went out to eat a few times. Overall, the weekend was an 8.

SOOOO!!!! I want to hear what all of you did for your valentines weekend... Spill it! Fill me in!

When the world ends
Collect your things
You’re coming with me
When the world ends
You tuckle up yourself with me
Watch it as the stars disappear to nothing
The day the world is over
We’ll be lying in bed

I’m gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
We will rise as the building’s crumble
Float there and watch it all
Amidst the burning, we’ll be churning
You know, love will be our wings
The passion rises up from the ashes
When the world ends

When the world ends
You’re gonna come with me
We’re going to be crazy
Like a river bends
We’re going to float
Through the criss cross of the mountains
Watch them fade to nothing
When the world ends
You know that’s what’s happening now
I’m going to be there with you somehow, oh...

I’m going to tie you up like a baby in a carriage car
Your legs won’t work cause you want me so
You just lie spread to the wall
The love you got is surely
All the love that I would ever need
I’m going to take you by my side
And love you tall, ‘til the world ends

Oh, but don’t you worry about a thing
No, 'cause I got you here with me
Don’t you worry about a
Just you and me
Floating through the empty, empty
Just you and me
Oh, graces
Oh, grace

Oh, when the world ends
We’ll be burning one
When the world ends
We’ll be sweet makin love
Oh, you know when the world ends
I’m going to take you aside and say
Let’s watch it fade away, fade away
And the world’s done
Ours just begun
It's done
Ours just begun

We’re gonna dive into the emptiness
We'll be swimming
I’m going to walk you through the pathless roads
I’m going to take you to the top of the mountain that’s no longer there
I’m going to take you to bed and love you, I swear
Like the end is here

I’m going to take you up to
I’m going to take you down on you
I’m going to hold you like an angel, angel

I’m going to love you
I’m going to love you
When the world ends
I’m going to hold you
When the world is over
We’ll just be beginning...

This is much better on the Dave Matthews Band Album Everyday

This song rocks my soul harder and harder everytime I listen to it.

Copyright Dave Matthews Band

Hey France, thanks for Lady Liberty. I really wish that you had something else constructive to contribute. I guess that your recent contribution of gooey electronic "Pop" dance music is pretty cool as well. Other than that, listen up, and listen well. We saved your sorry weak arse from becoming part of Germany a few years ago, remember that little conflict??? How dare you even open your pie hole about what we do in this current situation.

Go pick some grapes, drink a bottle of your Champagne, and take a nap. We'll wake you up when it is over.

We have an absolute blizzard going on outside right now. The wind is somewhere around 40mph, and the snow is not falling, it is whipping.

It is going to be another fireplace night I think, so I hope I can find a book that I haven't read... Chances are that will be a tough one.

Yoga is going very well, and I can feel a big difference in how I feel throughout the day. I am waking up very early, sometimes even before the roomies get up for work. I really need to start getting to bed earlier, as I seriously doubt that 3-4 hours of sleep is enough.

Smiles everyone! Be good.....

Searching in my pocket today, I found some change! Speaking of change, many thanks go to April for the great artwork that she has done for me. The new cartoon of me on the left there is a little of her handy-work, along with the new banner. It is so shocking to see ones self as a cartoon, but it grows on you after a brief period of time. Feel free to let me know how you all like the change.

I had a great weekend, and spent quite a bit of time with a friend of mine who is quickly teaching me to not take life so seriously.

I hope that everyone had a great weekend!

I had my eternity rocked last night. I went to Champaign, IL, home of the Illini, to see Sean Kelly (of Samples fame) and Tom Askin, play an acoustic set. My friend Brent and I showed up at 8pm, and were the only 2 in the place until WAY after 9pm. This was a good thing. Brent and I got a table within 5 feet of the stage, and were treated, along with 125 or so of our new friends, to the show of a lifetime.