Out of Normal: I will not sleep tonight...

June 21, 2003

I will not sleep tonight...

because I passed up a perfect opportunity to right a wrong. I ended up going to our local Borders store to pick up a copy of the newest Harry Potter book and that is where the story begins.

There was a young man in front of me that was obviously lacking a bit in the social department/fashion department/ever have a chance to get laid department. That is all well and fine, he will probably end up working for NASA. He was also very mannerly and polite with the huge crowd.

Behind me there was a group of what was obviously "Cool" guys with their parent bought high fashion and bleach tipped hair. Bastards, I hope their hair falls out.

The guy in front of me was called as the next in line and when he was at the cash register a five spot fell out of his pocket. The "Dudes" behind me saw it and began plotting on who was going to nab the cash. Before I had a chance to say anything to the guy who dropped the money, a couple that was standing at the register next to him kicked the money towards the door and picked it up right before exiting the store.

Did I bother saying anything? No. In my eyes, I am no better than the ass-holes behind me, nor the couple that took his money. I don't know what I can do to redeem my lack of action at this point. Yeah, the pixie is going to be going tink-tink-tink on my window in the morning, and my ass is grass.

I want to publicly appologize for being a complete coward in this situation.

Posted by Broch at June 21, 2003 01:12 AM

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Don't dwell on it, though, and I totally cannot predict what I may have done, either, and I hate myself for that. Maybe I would have helped and made everything right, maybe I would have been too tired and wouldn't have cared, or maybe I would have just sat back and let the social web spin another lesson, just in my curiousity of what would happen? Situations like that happen every second of every day, even without our presence and it is totally out of our control. Some of these types of incidences end where the money is returned to the rightful owner and unfortunately, some not. For your experience, firstly, the young man who dropped the money may never miss it, maybe thinking he spend it elsewhere or he will be so excited with the new Potter book the money really won't enter his mind or concerns. I like to believe that. Some of the happiest people are those who don't purr to the dollar. The dorks behind you plotted to steal but didn't so we can leave them out of it, but they did have sinister thoughts. Acting alone, one of the boys taken out of the group probably wouldn't have given much thought to stealing the money (a single boy may have even returned it to him) but isn't it amazing how the group/herd effect can influence people's behaviour to think they cannot be held accountable? The couple: they may try to claim they didn't know whose money it was laying on the ground but come on - couldn't they just ask the boy standing right on top of the money. The fact is, if they have to snakily snag $5 - they probably need it, it likely won't be on their conscience and a chronic unethical lifestyle will eventually catch up to them, eventually. All while our young man with his book sleep peacefully in his fantasy world, and his alone.

Posted by: wendel at June 21, 2003 09:59 AM

Humans. They can be so stupid. Don't kick yourself over it, Broch. I am sure if the guys behind you had made the move, you would have intervened. However, I am sure you were dumbfounded to discover that you had clowns to the front of you, jokers in the back - and there you are, stuck in the middle (hmmm, reminds me of a song...) anyway...I can imagine you standing there struck still in the moment by the lack of morals - you are not a coward...just an observer....eventually all of those who were involved will reap the karmic effects of their actions....

Posted by: pam at June 21, 2003 12:21 PM

Thanks "Wendel" hahaha, and thank you Pam. I still feel very badly for not acting on what I knew was right to do. I know that I have earned a piece of bad karma out of this, and I will gracefully accept it when it comes. I feel that each of us who is given a resource needs to use it to protect or provide for those without it. I have already decided what I am going to do to as pennance, but I don't think that it is EVER appropriate to toot your own horn regarding good deeds. I consider that to bring REALLY BAD KARMA. Jesus spoke of the Pharisees that the good deeds that they did had already been rewarded here on earth as they were boastful and proud for just being human. Hypocracy just doesn't sit very well here. Thank you again for your kind words, you both raise the bar for me as what to shoot for.

Posted by: Broch at June 21, 2003 04:07 PM

These situations where you have the opportunity to speak out, make a difference, alter someone's micro future ... they plague me. So I completely appreciate how this has affected you, Broch. Always the observer and the girl in the wings AFRAID of making myself known, asserting myself, and finding my voice, I have had to FORCE positive actions/reactions. My primary example is animal rescue. The sorts of things I've overlooked in the past (painfully and agonizingly overlooked) because I lacked COURAGE, SELF-RESPECT, and CONVICTION haunt me. But one day I made up mind ... just like that ... that I would never allow myself to act contrary to what my inner SUPERHERO would do if they were in charge of the world. With the five bucks, today I'd swipe it up without hestitation and hand it to that kid. My sense of right RULES my world these days. I don't fear punks. I don't fear embarrassment when I stop four lanes of traffic to rescue that LOST and CONFUSED dog that everyone sees and mutters "Oh poor-poor-poor puppy, you'd better be careful little fella" but keeps on driving without looking back. I. Just. Do. What. Is. Right. No matter the cost and no matter that ALL IMPORTANT interview/appointment/whatever that always seems to take priority. ("Like oh my GOD, my pedicure's in five minutos and like could someone else PLEASE help that little doggie over there?") And one more thing ... I don't try to justify why I should or should not do what may or may NOT be the right thing to do. Someone drops their five dollars, I pick it up, hand over, and then threaten to shove punk balls up nostrils should anyone give me attitude. Act. Act. Act. Let that NASA kid decide just how hard he'd feel the loss of the five dollars. But Broch ... I so get what this is about for you. Because I am the SAME way.

Posted by: Random Liberal Girl at June 21, 2003 07:39 PM

I think it's a good sign that you feel some kind of regret and remorse over it, even though you didn't really do anything wrong. We all like to think that we'd be a Good Citizen and stick up for the little guy when the occasion rose up, but sometimes that's not always the case. I still regret not speaking out when a boss I once had yelled at another girl until she cried. If I had to do it over again, I would have spoken up and defended her. That doesn't change the fact that I didn't, but it does make me more likely to speak up in similar situations now... because, like you, I feel the need to do some kind of pennance. So, what truly counts is how you feel about it and what you do from now on, and judging from what you just wrote I think your karma's safe. All you need to do now is forgive yourself. :-)

Posted by: April at June 22, 2003 03:16 PM

Ok, so your back inline at Borders. The 6th Harry Potter book just came out, and the same thing happens.....

Posted by: Brent at June 24, 2003 06:33 PM

yeah. you should have said something. but you are aware this is how we all grow. it's only through falling that we learn how to walk .

Posted by: the mighty jimbo at June 25, 2003 03:52 PM

Ok, 6th book is out, same thing happens. I grab the money myself and hand it back to the kid. Only way to fly!

Posted by: Broch at July 2, 2003 11:46 PM

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June 21, 2003

I will not sleep tonight...

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